My ex-husband came down to visit for the weekend and we've had fun. We went to the Waffle House Friday and had a fire in the fire pit out back, complete with marshmallows. And playing with fire, because us adults are 8 year olds in disguise.
Yesterday, he and I took the kids to the local flea market to browse for a few hours while Jon was at work, and then the two of them put together the trampoline that's been languishing in a box since February - I bought it the same week we made the decision to move out of the other house.
Another fire, this time with hot dogs AND marshmallows, rounded out the night, along with some happy and very tired kids.
Today, we skipped church. Oops.
It's multi-stake conference or something, and the idea of sitting there trying to get my kids to pay attention to speakers for two hours waaaaay in the back of the stake building (because let's face it, no way am I showing up an hour early with aforementioned kids to get decent seats) was exhausting.
The rest of today has fairly average stuff like "dude is coming to mow the lawn" and "missionaries from the new ward are coming to visit" on the menu.
So my tank is full. I'm content. I'm glad to have a family, ex-husband included, united in purpose. We have fun and that is so good for all of us, but especially the kids.
What I HATE... is the reminders that a busy weekend leaves in my body. In my joints and muscles and trigger points and energy level.
I have... some sort of autoimmune disease. A lot of possibilities and few answers.
I have diagnosed moderate to severe fibromyalgia, that much we know. I have hypermobile joints, possibly due to Ehlers Danlos (highly likely, since Arielle also has hypermobile joints and EDS is inherited) but it might "just" be a generic connective tissue disease. I have sacroiliitis, inflammation of my sacroiliac joints - whether due to hypermobility or arthritis, no one seems to know right now. I have arthritis - jury is out on whether it is inflammatory or osteo. It could also be just residual from the Ehrlichiosis and stage 3 Lyme Disease I had for years and was finally treated for late last summer. I still haven't recovered 100% and probably never will because of how advanced it was.
But by far the worst issue right now is dizziness and near-fainting spells. I used to pass out a few times a month, so "near-fainting" is a great improvement. I just hate bracing myself for the rolling dizziness every time I stand, and ensuring that I have something to grab onto should my knees buckle. Drives me nuts. This is all neurological issues stemming from stage 3 Lyme and there isn't much to be done for it.
And man, two COLD nights in the backyard around the fire took their toll on those sore joints and muscles, no matter how close to that fire I sat.
It sucks to be reminded that I am not as physically capable or strong as I want to be. That I am not "normal." That there are limits. I'm down 82lb from my weight loss surgery in November but there are STILL limits. In fact, some of my pain has gotten worse since surgery, for whatever reason. These limits might exist or continue to worsen even if I get down to 130lb someday (very unlikely, haha.)
I don't say any of this to complain. It's just my reality. Sometimes I manage to forget that I am not 100%, and then sometimes, it smacks me in the face. All part of living life with these conditions.
Overall I am blessed. I can walk and even run a little sometimes. I can chase my kids. I'm down 82lb and that's only made me healthier. I can go grocery shopping without excruciating pain. My family is understanding and supportive. And these "reminder" days when I hurt all over and wish I had taken it easier the preceding few days to preserve my capability, they are fewer and further between these days with weight loss and better health in my lap. So that's a lot to be grateful for. And the bad days make me all the more grateful for the good ones.
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