Always reminded

This weekend has been great.
My ex-husband came down to visit for the weekend and we've had fun. We went to the Waffle House Friday and had a fire in the fire pit out back, complete with marshmallows. And playing with fire, because us adults are 8 year olds in disguise.

Yesterday, he and I took the kids to the local flea market to browse for a few hours while Jon was at work, and then the two of them put together the trampoline that's been languishing in a box since February - I bought it the same week we made the decision to move out of the other house.

Another fire, this time with hot dogs AND marshmallows, rounded out the night, along with some happy and very tired kids.

Today, we skipped church. Oops.
It's multi-stake conference or something, and the idea of sitting there trying to get my kids to pay attention to speakers for two hours waaaaay in the back of the stake building (because let's face it, no way am I showing up an hour early with aforementioned kids to get decent seats) was exhausting.
The rest of today has fairly average stuff like "dude is coming to mow the lawn" and "missionaries from the new ward are coming to visit" on the menu.

So my tank is full. I'm content. I'm glad to have a family, ex-husband included, united in purpose. We have fun and that is so good for all of us, but especially the kids.

What I HATE... is the reminders that a busy weekend leaves in my body. In my joints and muscles and trigger points and energy level.
I have... some sort of autoimmune disease. A lot of possibilities and few answers.
I have diagnosed moderate to severe fibromyalgia, that much we know. I have hypermobile joints, possibly due to Ehlers Danlos (highly likely, since Arielle also has hypermobile joints and EDS is inherited) but it might "just" be a generic connective tissue disease. I have sacroiliitis, inflammation of my sacroiliac joints - whether due to hypermobility or arthritis, no one seems to know right now. I have arthritis - jury is out on whether it is inflammatory or osteo. It could also be just residual from the Ehrlichiosis and stage 3 Lyme Disease I had for years and was finally treated for late last summer. I still haven't recovered 100% and probably never will because of how advanced it was.
But by far the worst issue right now is dizziness and near-fainting spells. I used to pass out a few times a month, so "near-fainting" is a great improvement. I just hate bracing myself for the rolling dizziness every time I stand, and ensuring that I have something to grab onto should my knees buckle. Drives me nuts. This is all neurological issues stemming from stage 3 Lyme and there isn't much to be done for it.
And man, two COLD nights in the backyard around the fire took their toll on those sore joints and muscles, no matter how close to that fire I sat.

It sucks to be reminded that I am not as physically capable or strong as I want to be. That I am not "normal." That there are limits. I'm down 82lb from my weight loss surgery in November but there are STILL limits. In fact, some of my pain has gotten worse since surgery, for whatever reason. These limits might exist or continue to worsen even if I get down to 130lb someday (very unlikely, haha.)

I don't say any of this to complain. It's just my reality. Sometimes I manage to forget that I am not 100%, and then sometimes, it smacks me in the face. All part of living life with these conditions.

Overall I am blessed. I can walk and even run a little sometimes. I can chase my kids. I'm down 82lb and that's only made me healthier. I can go grocery shopping without excruciating pain. My family is understanding and supportive. And these "reminder" days when I hurt all over and wish I had taken it easier the preceding few days to preserve my capability, they are fewer and further between these days with weight loss and better health in my lap. So that's a lot to be grateful for. And the bad days make me all the more grateful for the good ones.

Life

I always try this blog thing and it never pans out. Here's yet another attempt that will fail. Maybe. Probably.

I'd really like to keep a record of our lives somewhere, somehow. Facebook isn't cutting it, LiveJournal is long-dead. There are so many things I want to say but like I said... Facebook doesn't cut it.

So. Today.

Today was the oldest three kids' first day at their new school here in Dover. We started the morning taking all five of them up to the school for a quick tour before taking them to their classes. Aside from Arielle throwing a tantrum outside of the school because she wanted to play with the older kids milling about out front before the doors opened, it went well! Everyone is so nice - dare I say much nicer than their last school? Their teachers seem great and by all accounts they had a good day. Juliet came home gushing about how nice everyone was, how she didn't feel like the new kid at all, and how she has five new friends and two "besties." Can't tell you how completely awesome that is, considering the fact that four months ago I had to pull her out of school and homeschool her to stem the flood of panic attacks she was having at home and at school. I am so proud of her bravery and how far she has come. Willow already had two boys profess their undying love to her and she says every girl in her class wants to be her best friend. That's Willow in a nutshell. Adam said he made one new best friend and that everyone wanted to play with him at recess, and that his teachers are really nice. I'm grateful that it worked out for him to be in a classroom with extra support (two teachers,) more for his emotional state than any behavior issues I'd usually worry about. The past few months in his last school were very stressful, ending in him being switched to a new classroom due to a verbally abusive teacher (who there is still an investigation pending against,) so having two awesome teachers and lots of positive reinforcement will be so good for him.

As for me and the littles, we're sick, as usual. Fevers, sore throats and nausea again. Rosalie has had a few days of an on-and-off fever, Arielle was retching and nauseous for about an hour this afternoon and I was sick later in the afternoon. Thankfully, Jon came to the rescue today and left work for 20 minutes to get the kids picked up from school, since they're walkers here and not only was I feeling awful, but it started raining right around when I was supposed to leave and the only umbrella is in a box in the garage somewhere. Did I mention how awesome it is having my husband five minutes away instead of 40?! He dropped them off and went back to work and we pretty much spent the rest of the day sitting around. I zoned out with what I suspect was a low-grade fever and listened to music while the kids played school with their new Ikea chalkboard easel, and then they split up - Rosie had naptime, the big girls took the iPad upstairs to watch videos and Adam and Arielle went out back and pretended they were paratroopers, for some reason? Jon came home, dinner was good, prayers, baths, bedtime. Just your usual day around here.

During their school game, Rosalie drew her first recognizable picture (of a person,) at 29 months, which was awesome and had me jumping for joy. Maybe not the milestone to end all milestones, but for a kid who had brain damage and visual impairment due to birth trauma, it's awesome and I will take any excuse to celebrate her awesomeness, of course. Just little reminders of how lucky and blessed we are to not only have her here and alive after her rough start in life - and we would have lovingly and gratefully parented her no matter what the outcome - but for her to be 100% healthy.

We're settling in here and continuing the unpacking saga. This house is smaller than our last house, so finding a place for everything is proving a bit of a challenge, but we're getting there and it's feeling like home, which is great. I miss a few things about Georgetown (mostly the six foot fence and the lack of neighbors with dogs since it's been an unending cacophony of the neighbor's dogs and ours barking at each other) but I have faith that everything happens for a reason and that we are meant to be here, which is also great.

In a few minutes here, I'll be heading out with my camera to hopefully capture some of the Lyrid meteor shower. I tried last year and didn't see any meteors at all, so I'm hoping this time is better!